i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
be right there i have to get my cape
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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