I skipped work to stalk him.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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