the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
