your thong is hanging out like whoa
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
