Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize