I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
