She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
