i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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