escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
