Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
