Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
