Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish my penis had a tongue
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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