They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize