im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
