Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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