Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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