If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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