Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
