Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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