i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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