apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
