It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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