Your face is a jimmy john
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
