i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize