Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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