I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
