My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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