judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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