Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you will always have a special place in my vag
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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