I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
