Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
