Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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