dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
