I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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