All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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