i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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