we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize