You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
