i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
