i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
