dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
