My friends, they love my intelligence
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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