Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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