Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
