somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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