Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize