Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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