Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
