talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
worst night to have a conscience
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
