Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
