I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
