I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
