You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
