I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
