well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
