Please, let me fuck your mom
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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