he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
