I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
