we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
