i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
