Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
