I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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