Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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