you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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