He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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