Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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