i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
