I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
