Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
