did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
