im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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